Episode 2: Steak Au Poivre

This recipe originally appeared on my facebook page as "Eric is bored at work, so here's a recipe for some random shit. Episode 2: Steak Au Poivre"

Today, ladies and gents, I'm going to esplain to you how to make Steak Au Poivre -- "Steak with Pepper" for you uneducated fucks out there. Obviously, this is not a vegetarian dish. If you have come to my wall looking for a vegetarian recipe, then I apologize, I was obviously drunk when I accepted your internet friendship. You do not want to be my friend. Ask Alex.

Steak au Poivre is a very rich dish, involving tasty steak and a creamy pepper sauce that is, well, awesome. It isn't that cheap to make, due to the whole "this dish requires steak" thing. And even though there is a sauce involved, please don't do yourself the disservice of buying a crappy steak, hoping the sauce will make up for it. It will, but that's not the point. This is a "special occasion" dish, so make it fucking special.

While technically, you could cook the steak on the grill and make the sauce separately, it wouldn't be anywhere near as good, so we're going to do this the correct way, by cooking it on the stove. I'm going to assume you know how to cook steak Indoors, in a pan. If you do not know how to do this properly you will fuck this recipe up...

Right, good point:

How to cook steak on the stove in 6 easy steps.

1. Get a heavy damn pan -- Cast Iron, typically, but a good, heavy saucepan will work.

2. Heat the pan on medium-high heat for at least 5 minutes.

3. Put lubricant in the pan. That means butter and/or olive oil you sick fuck.

4. Place steak in the pan, DO NOT touch it for at least 2 fucking minutes (typically the minimum time to rare for your average inch-thick steak). There will be some smoke, deal with it.

5. Flip the steak in the pan, then let it cook on that side for the SAME amount of time as the other side.

6. Put the steak on a plate, and let it rest for at least 5 minutes before eating, you impatient fuck.


Simple, right? Now go buy some cheap steaks and try that out a few times, get the feel for it. There are rules about timing for doneness, but it's going to vary based on your stove and the thickness of the steaks you cook. The best way to learn how to get your steak to just the right state is to practice and learn your stove. The meat also changes texture based on doneness and you can tell this by pressing on the steak while it is cooking, but I don't know how to explain it without actually poking a steak in person for you. Google it or something.

For this recipe, since we're making a pan sauce, you do not want to use a cast iron skillet. Generally that's the best type of pan for cooking a steak on the stove, but here we want fond and tastiness, and that's going to turn out better using a traditional sauce pan. Heavy, though. They key to cooking the steak right is a pan that holds heat well. I actually like using my dutch oven for this, for just that reason. Also, and this is key: Do not use a non-stick pan. You want to get lots of browned crap on the bottom of the saucepan as the basis for the sauce (that's what fond is, if I didn't explain it before), and a non-stick pan will defy you willfully as you attempt to create ze fond.

Ok, ingredients:


1 small-medium Onion

1 small shallot

2-3 cloves of garlic

A cup or two of heavy cream

butter (unsalted, you heathen)

cognac

salt (kosher)

black peppercorns (more on these in a moment)

Steak



A word on your choice of steak: I don't care. I really don't. I've already suggested you not use cheap steak, but beyond that, totally your choice. Traditionally this dish is often made with Filet MIgnon. Personally, I prefer Ribeye. Does. Not. Make. A. Fucking. Difference. Get the steak you like, with one caveat: I do suggest using cuts of an appropriate size such that you can fit two of them in the pan at once, with room to work. We're making steak for two. Sure, you can make just one big steak for yourself, but do you really want to die alone?

First things first, take the steaks out of the refrigerator, open up the wrapping, and let them sit on the counter and warm up. You don't ever want to put cold steaks on the grill, or your frying pan, or whatever. Wastes heat. Causes the steak to take longer to cook and cook unevenly. Ok, truthfully, most people would never notice, but I do, so do it fucking right.

Once the steaks are warmed up a bit, liberally salt them on both sides. With kosher salt. I suggest kosher salt for a reason, you know. The larger grains stick to the meat well, it has got a better texture and I'm pretty sure the tribe doesn't put iodine in it.

Assuming you have a pepper mill, set it to its coarsest setting and crack a whole bunch of pepper. You want "cracked peppercorns", rather than "ground pepper". So, if your pepper mill doesn't have a truly coarse setting, consider alternative methods. For example, you could grab that iron skillet you aren't using, toss a tea towel on it, put a few tablespoons of peppercorns on the tea towel, fold it over, grab a coffee mug, fill it with change, and then crush/crack those peppercorns by hand.

Start spreading the peppercorns over the steak. You want a lot of coverage, really try to get as much to stick as possible, both sides of the steak, and the edges. Press those cracked peppercorns into the meat. Next you should probably grab a broom and sweep up the peppercorns that are going to be all over your kitchen floor.

Your steaks are prepped, so grab your saucepan and start heating it up. Toss about a tablespoon of butter in there, with just a dash of olive oil. The butter is a little lubricant, and the olive oil keeps it from smoking too much. Don't use extra virgin olive oil, as it has a much lower smoking point and it won't help as much. Once your pan is all heated, the butter is bubblin (and smoking, let's face it, it's going to smoke a little no matter what you do), put your steaks in!

I'd like to stress something for you: Do not touch the steaks until you are ready to turn them over. If you shift them around, then you're not going to get that delightful crust, because it will break off. Just leave it there. After the appropriate amount of time, flip em over. You should have learned by now how long to cook steak on your stove, but as a general rule, five minutes per side will get you medium-rare to medium. It's also important to remember that the fattier the cut of meat, the happier it is with being more "done". Well-done is always a sin, but a Ribeye won't mind being cooked on the well side of medium, whereas a Filet or a lean Strip is going to start getting tough once it gets past medium-rare.

While the steaks are on the stove, take this opportunity to mince the onion, shallot, and those cloves of garlic as fine as you can.

Once the steaks are done, take them out of the pan and put them on a plate. Tent the plate loosely with aluminum foil. The first time you make this it will probably take you 15-20 minutes or more to get the sauce right, so use whatever "keeping the steak warm" method works best for you.

Grab a spoon, and spoon out most of the liquid remaining from cooking the steak. Dump it into the sink, we're just getting rid of unneeded juice. Now the fun part. Turn off the heat and pour about 3/4 of a cup of cognac into the pan. Then, take a kitchen match and set the cognac on fire. Oh yeah, it's like that. Once the flames die down, return the pan to medium heat and take your spatula or spoon and start de-glazing the pan. All that fond tastiness on the bottom of the pan makes the sauce oh so good. Note that technically, the cognac flavor will be covered when you add a dash later on, so if you don't want to take this step you don't have to, as the moisture from the onions will most likely be enough to deglaze the pan. However, your fire alarm is probably already going off, so why not create an actual fire?

Toss half a tablespoon of butter into the pan and as soon as it melts put in your onion, shallot and garlic. The moisture from the onion will help you finish deglazing if the cognac didn't do it completely. Once your onion and garlic turn translucent and start to brown, reduce the heat, pour in your heavy cream, and add another dash of cognac. Tip the plate the steaks have been resting on over the pan to get all those sweet meat juices in there. Now that I'm thinking about it, you might want to reserve the liquid you tossed out earlier so you can put it in at this point. But it's probably too late, so bygones.

Now just keep stirring the sauce until it thickens enough to coat the back of a spoon. Be careful with the heat, too much and the cream will curdle or burn, too little and it won't reduce quickly. Add another tablespoon of butter, stir until it incorporates and the sauce gets all shiny.

Optionally, if you want to be all fancy and french, you can grab a strainer and strain your sauce to remove all the bits of onion, garlic and pepper. Return it to the pan. I like the little bits of stuff in the sauce, but hey, it's your sauce now, make it how you like it!

At this point, take your steaks and just set them in the sauce pan (still under heat) for about 30 seconds, flip em for another 30 seconds, then plate them. This gives the steaks a little warm-up, and also gets some more flavor in the sauce. Stir the sauce up good one more time, taste it, add a little salt or pepper if needed, and then pour over the steak. Voila! Steak Au Poivre.

I suggest mashed potatoes as a side, because you will have extra sauce, and it tastes really good on mashed potatoes.